The Confidence That Shrinks Our Influence

“Certainty is the enemy of growth.” - Mark Manson

What becomes possible when we hold our certainty lightly?

There are days when I feel grounded in what I know, what’s worked before, what I’ve seen repeated, what trusted colleagues affirm. Those three legs of familiar certainty feel sturdy, almost comforting. They help me move quickly, speak with confidence, and trust my instincts. And yet, they can also obscure the edges of my understanding.

Because in the background, there’s always more I can’t see: the other pressures shaping someone’s day, the hallway conversation I didn’t hear, the lifetime of experiences that colour how someone receives feedback. When I forget this, my conviction can start to crowd out my curiosity.

And when curiosity shrinks, so too does my influence.

In Understood, I describe how our tendency to overestimate what we know about others, what they value, what drives them, what they’re navigating, can create a false sense of clarity. Like trying to navigate a forest with only a map of the trees you’ve walked before. The path might look familiar, but you’re likely missing something essential.

So what do we do instead?

We remember that even in familiar terrain, new growth is always happening. And that staying curious, especially when we feel sure, is one of the most relationally generous things we can do.

You might try:

• Noticing when your confidence feels extra crisp, and pausing to ask, “What else might be true here?”

• Reflecting on the context you don’t know, what might be shaping this person’s choices, timing or approach?

• Asking someone you trust, “What might I be missing?”
  

Certainty isn’t the problem. It’s forgetting that it’s incomplete.

So much more becomes possible when we remember there’s always more to see.

With understanding,

Maria