The Loneliness No One Warns You About

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” - Albert Einstein

What if the most isolating parts of leadership weren’t about people, but perception?

Over the years, I’ve worked with many leaders who’ve quietly shared something they never anticipated: that leadership can be profoundly lonely. There are no shortage of meetings or conversations to be had, yet it’s rare to find spaces where they can speak candidly, without needing to protect, present, or perform.

Often, these are high performers. People who care deeply, hold themselves to a high standard, and are known for their competence. And because they are capable, others assume they are fine. And so, they carry it on quietly.

You might know this feeling. You're in a room full of people who depend on you, and yet, there's no one to talk to about what it costs to be present, accessible and a guide for everyone else. 

Leadership asks a lot. High-performers are drawn to it because they are confident in their ability to manage the responsibility. So, it can feel especially risky to admit when what we are really navigating is a quiet kind of disconnection.

In Understood, I write about how engagement and clarity flow more easily when people feel seen. This includes leaders. Especially you.

If something in this feels familiar, it may help to ask:

• Where is this loneliness showing up?

• Might it be decision fatigue, feeling like you need to be constantly “on”, or a profound sense of responsibility?

• What part of me might be asking to be seen, not just relied upon?
  

While it can feel counterintuitive, especially for high performers, reaching out helps. Not for a solution, but for perspective. Conversations with peers in other contexts, leaders outside your workplace, coaches, trusted confidants, can offer a kind of relief that internal systems often can’t. Because you don’t have to explain the dynamics. Because they know what it means to care and still feel alone.

You might also try this:
Choose one conversation this week that’s just for you. It could be with someone outside your workplace. Just the act of speaking, honestly and without edit, might shift something. Loneliness doesn't always need to be solved. Sometimes, it just needs to be met.

With understanding,

Maria