We are all terrible at understanding each other.
Here is one quote, one question and one idea to contemplate.
"We are all terrible at understanding each other."
- Heidi Grant Halvorson
What can I offer to help others understand me?
At some point in time, we’ve all had the unpleasant experience of feeling misunderstood and it’s more than just frustrating—it can create defensiveness, erode trust, and make connection difficult.
Why do we struggle so much with truly understanding each other? Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, in her book No One Understands You and What to Do About It, points out that a big reason is our tendency to overestimate how clearly we convey our thoughts and feelings, believing others can easily decode our intentions. Essentially, we think we’re clear, but there are countless obstacles preventing others from fully grasping our message.
So, how can we bridge the gap? Send a signal of warmth. Whether you’re connecting face-to-face, over email, or via text, begin each interaction by genuinely acknowledging the person on the other side. A thoughtful greeting to start the interaction, such as “Hi Pam, how’s your day going?”, is one of the simplest ways to signal warmth because it demonstrates an intention of openness and curiosity about the other person.
When people feel warmth, they’re naturally more open to engage. By leading with warmth, we create a foundation of trust and respect, a space where understanding can grow both ways. This approach nurtures connection, setting the stage for us to understand and be understood.
Until next time,
Maria
P.S. If this has been helpful, then feel free to pass it along to someone else who might enjoy it too.
Would you like to be on the pre-order list for the book
‘UNDERSTOOD: The Greatest Human Need and the Key to Engagement’?
WHAT’S COMING UP?
Sign up below to receive the Understood Mini-Series, a group of short videos that will share:
Why we struggle to understand others
The roots and impacts of misunderstanding
The art of understanding others
Strategies to foster understanding and advance engagement
Click the sign up button below to have these videos sent directly to your inbox over the next few weeks.
GETTING READY?
If you and your leadership team are starting to plan for 2025 - let’s talk about how I can help you elevate engagement and drive organizational performance, so that you can move beyond chasing engagement metrics and start leading them!