The speed of feeling understood.

Here is one quote, one question and one idea to contemplate.

 “One person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider our problem, can change our whole outlook on the world."

- Dr. Elton Mayo

How can we manage our innate drive for speed and efficiency with deeper understanding?

It feels like things are moving faster than ever. Technology is changing quickly, we’re overwhelmed with information, and life keeps getting busier. Under pressure to get things done quickly and efficiently, we often find ourselves prioritizing speed over accuracy, especially in our interactions with others.

Our brains are wired for efficiency, relying on what psychologist Daniel Kahneman calls "System 1" thinking - fast, automatic, and intuitive. While this serves us well in many situations, it can lead us astray when it comes to understanding others and helping them feel understood. This quick-fire approach often results in emotional contagion - mirroring others' feelings without truly understanding them. We react to their emotions, believing we’ve made a connection. While emotional resonance can foster quick rapport, it often lacks the depth needed to understand another and help them feel understood.

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, requires us to engage in thinking that is slower, more deliberative, and analytical. In my upcoming book, Understood: The greatest human need and the key to engagement, I delve into the ways we can move beyond surface-level emotional resonance to more deliberate ways of understanding others and helping them feel understood. This shift from speed to accuracy in our interactions can profoundly impact our ability to offer meaningful support and foster engagement.

This week, I invite you try an experiment: slow down in your interactions. Before responding in a conversation, take a moment to pause. Listen deeply, ask follow-up questions, and observe how this transforms your ability to understand and connect.

Just as Dr. Mayo suggests, taking a bit more time to understand someone can change their world. That kind of meaningful engagement is a gift—one that prioritizes accuracy over speed but can be profoundly rewarding for both you and those you interact with.

Until next time,

Maria

P.S. If this has been helpful, then feel free to pass it along to someone else who might enjoy it too.

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