When It Feels Like Relationship Triage

“You can do anything, but not everything.” - David Allen

What happens when we care deeply but simply can’t be everywhere, or for everyone, all at once?

Lately, I’ve been sitting with this idea of “relationship triage.” Author Chris Guillebeau used the phrase in a blog post to describe the experience of wanting to connect with everyone, truly wanting to, but having to choose who gets your time and energy in a given moment. Not because of disinterest, but because attention is finite.

This struck a chord for me. In Understood, I write about the importance of attention, how it’s not just a productivity asset, but a relational currency. When someone gives us their attention, we feel valued. When they don’t, we often feel invisible.

As leaders, we know this. And yet, we can’t give everyone the depth of presence we wish we could. Someone is always Jun 10, 2025 waiting for a response. A follow-up. A check-in. And sometimes, we fall short, not from lack of care, but from the sheer math of being human.

So, how do we lead with intention when our attention is stretched?

A few small shifts can help:

• Be transparent. Acknowledge the tension. Let people know they matter, even if your time is limited.
  

• Practice regular micro-moments of presence. A few seconds of genuine attention can go farther than we think.
  

• Extend grace to others and to yourself. Disappointment doesn’t always mean disconnection.
  

As Chris wrote, “Disappointing others is a universal condition of human limitation.” We’re not always able to be as present as we’d like, but we can still lead with care, communicate with honesty, and do our best to return to what connection calls for.

Leadership often means holding both the urgency and the care, with limited time and a full heart.

With understanding,

Maria